I never thought I would say that I feel at home on the ocean, but after a few sailing trips – Boston Malaga on clipper Stad Amsterdam in 2014 being the culmination – anytime I meet that vast body of water, I’m Okay.
Never mind the roaring terror of force ten at night. Or huge ocean waves picking up a thousand tons of steel and sails like it is a simple yacht.
It is the vastness, the magnitude that caught my heart and sometimes my breath.
Whenever I meet the ocean, I am happy. The beauty of the light, the colours, the movement. Superb. And best of all is that sudden glimpse of a tint somewhere between green and blue. When the light shines through the crest of a breaking wave like sunshine through a glass of wine when bringing it to your mouth. More alive than anything, uncatchable.
And there is another thing. I am aware – like a physical presence – where I am in relation to the edges of that ocean. The magic of touching the waterline and knowing that the next stop is Antarctica. Or seeing the Pacific for the first time and being aware that I am touching on the other half of the world, the never before seen part of it.
I am also aware that both my father and my grandfather had a relationship with the ocean. One as a sailor, the other as a very inquisitive artist. I have a bit of both.
I really love emptiness. It must be because of all the signals I receive throughout the days and weeks, overpoweringly present, like a crazy child yelling in my ear while I am just trying to focus on this one thing that is important. And I’m not talking “business important”. Just the thing that makes sense to me, right now, as a person, a human being.
The good thing is that I see “empty” more and more as a way to express myself. Walking along a beach I seek the softness of nothing special, instead of roaring waves, towering cliffs, vibrating crowds.
I was in Burnie, Tasmania, and my compagnons (all lovely people) were busy talking about opportunities, futures (there are more than one, as we all dream a slightly different scope) and how to connect so that it would be valuable.
I just saw this beach.
Perhaps I was just tired. Of all those signals. Or more basically, of flying in early after a night of not having slept enough. Or just bored and trying to find something worthwhile.
Home is where the heart is. Or where you hang your hat. But most of all it is where you go back to when you want to see both how it is as you remember it and what is actually becoming of it. Permanence and change. But in a manner that feels like home will be forever.
It’s not. Change is.
That’s not bad. Change is normal and we better get used to it. I mean, as a species. Not that we really do. We like to stick to what we know, as that’s safe. The herd feeling comfortable. Fight or flight … or often “it will go away and all will be good”. Sticking our heads under the covers, hoping the bogeyman doesn’t exist.
Mostly it is in our heads that that creature roams. Thoughts about what was could be popping up at the strangest moments, disturbing our sleep. We are all scared. And it is logical, as we all do this for the first time. Living. We shouldn’t forget that, with a lot of people trying to make out as if they know better. Yelling in the dark.
I’ve now been “away” for more than a year and – wonder oh wonder – it is the strangest things that visit my Sunday conscience: I wonder how those walnut trees fare. I must have visited them a dozen times in all kinds of weather and light. Always amazed about the almost abstract lines. Typically a great object to capture in black and white. I wouldn’t mind going there right now and have a look. I just hope nobody cut them down.
I’ve had that experience once and was shocked. Literally. A tree in the middle of a forest. Cut down. The only one in a mile. No logical reason, no link to what is “logical”. Just destroyed.
Ask any of my friends and they will recognise that I have always been interested in history. Especially in the era they call “contemporary”. Most of it is centered around war. History that is, not the contemporary part specifically. And where most people with the same interest will dive into the major events, battle, combat, I like the edges, the envelop. That what is around what was seen as important. Soldiers resting in some village far behind the lines. Life in the cities. Mundane things happening.
I also recognise links to myself and the world we live in. Current US politics may seem unique, but are mostly a repitition on a theme. Just not very “American”. And the logical richness of increased requirements for military capability throughout the continents is also a common theme, once you step away from all the drama and emotions. Most technology spurts are linked directly to armies asking for “more” and “better”. In the end it is all about what drives us. Looking back, “war” is not incidental. We just learned a better, more economic way: deterrence. I hope.
Sometimes history touches me almost physically. As a kid I used to play around the abandoned wreck of a Sherman tank, mainstay of the allied troops in WW2. Later I learned that the vehicle was actually a training object for the army. Molotov cocktails thought to be able to stop advancing steel. And even more later, I was inducted into using a similar wreck to learn how to use “improvised devices”. And nowadays I read about IED’s. History and present time touching.
Somewhere on the timeline of this historical mess I used to shoot 8 inch grenades – by proxy, as I was an officer – at targets, being trained in the exquisite art of killing at a distance, without discrimination: artillery. And guess what? The targets were Sherman tanks. Or the rusted remnants of it.
So it was a pleasure to walk into one of those targets, now a centre piece in a museum. All of history going full circle.
One of the strangest phenomenons of Melbourne CBD is that it feels like a village. You just don’t get the feeling of a “big city”, let alone a “metropolis”. Suburbs are like side streets, outer edges like suburbs. And CBD feels like … what? A small town at best. Cozy, warm, faces you think you recognise from last week’s shopping.
I have been looking at this for quite some time and am not sure I got it right, but I think it has something to do with scale. Everything is in proportion. So you look around and you have small buildings and big buildings. A skyline that looks “normal”. Until you realise that every building is 100+ meters tall … If you would take any one of them and transport them to Amsterdam, it would immediately rank in the top ten tallest buildings. And stick out, well above the skyline.
But there is another dimension at play: small village politics. You read a general complaint about how a certain street is “still not taken care off” in the local paper, really just news at suburb level at best, and a few weeks later the constructors move in. Some counsil member feeling personally responsible. Or perhaps, and I know this is bleak, having created the whole thing anyway to enable this one company to make some money. And it somehow feels right. That’s what happens in a small community.
4,5 million people sounds to me like a small state. So I expect “state style management”. Not the cajoling I remember from small villages in the home country. But then again, it is effective. And whatever, Melbourne is the most livable city on earth. For the sixth time in a row. So they are doing something well. Really well.
The sunsets here in CBD (Central Business District, Melbourne) are amazing. I’m sure it has to do with the actual light, but also with my being happy in this strange city. A population of 4,5 million people and it feels like a bunch of villages linked together.
From day one after having arrived here in August 2015 I have the feeling that there is somehow more light, more oxygen, more energy than in the Netherlands. And part of that is true, as Melbourne is about as far from the equator as Gibraltar or Cyprus is in the northern hemisphere. That should mean that the sun is higher up in the sky. I read somewhere that the light is comparable to Southern California.
However, the sun is ferocious: it can be 21 degrees Celsius in the shade and one step out of it and you need a hat, long sleeves and sunblock. No kidding. About 30% of the Aussies have or had some form of skin cancer. No fun at all.
I am not religious. Not even a bit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t recognize that the world around me is in one way or another. Looking at Islam, Christianity or Buddhism I do also see that some base principles are similar. I guess that, next to being an anchor and a mirror, religion can also be seen as a set of base rules. Meant to ascertain that we live together without killing each other.
Hmmm. Perhaps I don’t get the real meaning, seeing that it is actually used quite often to justify murdering whole groups of people.
What I do know, is that I like to visit churches. Not each and every one and certainly not every week, but sometimes. It surely has something to do with the spaciousness, the arches and the way the seats form lines that disappear in the gloom.
Makes for some terrific photography opportunities.
Although it is not my thing to be on my knees, I don’t mind someone else finding solace in prayer. It is all a question of respect. So I ensure that nobody is in the picture.
Sitting in my favourite seat, watching the sun set while sipping a wine. Beautiful colours reflecting over the water into our living room. Spectacular. Suddenly I realise that the sun is actually a very big nuclear reactor, blasting away. Like a bomb.
The scene could easily fit in some post apocalyptic movie. Either I had one glass too many or it is because I’m tired after a long week looking at stuff that links to war. Or perhaps both.
I’m just happy the sun set and the world turned slowly into the reality of an early evening. Better that way.